I’ve never had a proper boyfriend. I’ve been on plenty of dates with great guys but never reached the stage of introducing them to other people, never joint skyping mum to introduce ‘Hans, my ballet dancing male lover’. Things have never lasted long enough to warrant that.
There have been guys I’ve though could become that, guys you go on quite a few dates with, a month maybe more worth of dinners and drinks and making out. But then they end.
The thing about all of those ‘could be something there’ dates is that none of them have ended with arguments, or farewells or anything like that. Instead they just stop, one day your messaging and organising meet ups then they just end. They become ghosts.
Ghosting happens to me all the time. I don’t know if this is the same for everyone, or if I’m just exceptionally ghostable. It’s probably just that no one likes to do the dumping, it’s so much easier to just never reply and hope they get the hint. I’ve done it, I’ve had it done to me, sometimes i think we are both ghosting each other at the same time
But I’m going to try to stop ghosting people, i need to man up and just break their hearts. This is because my most recent ghost kinda hurt.
In my first blog post I wrote:
“I’m currently trading messages with a guy that involve me buying Wales and setting up a dictatorship with a sheep based defense force. Obviously. I find it highly entertaining, he is much slower at responding and I’m pretty sure will ghost me soon.”
I met him twice, had a great time, he was funny and cute in a normal person way. We talked and talked about complete an utter nonsense and kissed a little at the end of each date.
Then he went away for a month.
I decided to wait it out, he’s on holiday, he’s not going to be messaging everyday, that’s fine, I think he is worth waiting for. We were even messaging a bit, he somehow lost a tooth, a showed him my amazing paperclip. Then he never replied.
The message he never replied to wasn’t a question or anything, just a continuation of the banter we were trading. The last thing he said was:
“It’s beautiful…you you went to the serpentine gallery without me?!?”
He was talking about the paper clip obviously. I responded, he never did. Maybe I had broken his serpentine gallery loving heart by going, but it’s not as if we had made a plan to go together, i don’t even remember what we said about it. And he was away for a month.
A week went by and I messaged again, just to make sure
“Holler. What part of the great sojourn from London are we currently on? I feel it’s Barcelona. the c is pronounced th FYI.”
No response. For a while I really, really wanted to message once more, maybe he never got the message, maybe he didn’t press send properly, or maybe i could at least find out why. But as I keep seeing on people’s Grindr profiles. “no reply is a reply”. if he was interested he would have messaged, he would be checking to see if i had replied. He obviously wasn’t. He was also definitely back in london as my stalking of his Instagram could attest.
I was a little heart-broken, i actually really like him and I’m still not quite sure what went wrong. But that is online dating, you move on, update your picture and try to find the next one.
So swell and nifty Grindr guy, who wasn’t even from Grindr, but a completely different dating site farewell. May you rest in peace and find future happiness in the world of dating. You have gifted me with the lesson of why I shouldn’t ghost, lets see if i have the balls to live by it. I probably don’t.
BTW your shoes were ugly.